LOL
by Frankee92
Summary: A comedy one-shot of when Bella met Edward. Very OOC for Bella and Edward.


***Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Twilight but i wish i did :D***

**LOL**

It was my first day at my new school and I was dreading it. Everyone would be staring and I would be 'Bella Swan, the shiny new student'. Great. I got dressed and headed downstairs, where my dad, Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey Bells." He said cheerily.

"Hey Dad. Ugh it's raining again!" I complained. I opened the cupboard and grabbed myself a cereal bar. I didn't wanna eat anything because I would probably get so nervous that I would puke everywhere, all over my shoes.

"I'll see you later Bells. Have a good day." Charlie said before heading out the door to work. I sighed and sat down.

"It's raining that much that I'll need a boat to get to school!" I mumbled. I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.

"Here we go." I said before running, with a folder over my head to my truck.

"Ugh! My hair is gonna go frizzy!" I complained, checking my reflection in my mirror.

I put the key in the ignition and started the engine. My truck roared to life. It sounded like there was a Grizzly trying to escape from in there! I pulled out from the drive and made my way to school. Ooh fun!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I pulled into a parking space and headed toward reception. Great, I was already being stared at by someone across the lot. I looked closer and saw that he was one fine ass piece of hot! Wow! I started getting hot flushes and had to fan myself. I ran towards reception but as I did, I slipped and fell over. I managed to get up pretty quickly but I think I accidentally flashed my bra in the process. Going bright red, I stepped through the doors.

"Hi I'm Bella Swan." I told the receptionist. I had to bite my lip to stop from giggling, because she had a huge nose and looked like a camel!

"_LOL!"_ I thought.

"Hi." She replied, looking at me as if I were a museum exhibit. "Here is your schedule and a list of your teachers. If you have any problems just ask. Have a good day."

I wandered off towards the exit looking at my schedule and walked smack into the doors. I went bright red and looked around quickly to see if anyone had seen. Luckily the only person around was the receptionist who was looking at me as if I had escaped from the mental asylum or something.

"My day is not getting any better!" I mumbled to myself as I headed to my first lesson.

English. A pretty good lesson, the teacher was really nice and we were doing Romeo and Juliet so I had high hopes of watching the Leonardo Dicaprio version of the film. The bell signalled the end of the lesson and as I was packing up my stuff a girl came over.

"Hey!" She said. "I'm Jess. I can help you around school if you want, you know show you around, tell you who is who, the important stuff…" She trailed off and smiled at me.

"Sure! That would be great. I'm Bella by the way." I grinned stupidly at her.

We walked to my next lesson together which she was in too.

She ended up in all my lessons and she told me everything I needed to know about the school including the Cullens. Turns out that the fine ass piece of hot I spied earlier was Edward Cullen, School hottie and social reject. He only associated himself with his family, Emmett and Rosalie, who were a couple and Jasper and Alice who were also a couple. That meant that Edward was single… _"Ooh get in there Bella!"_ I thought to myself.

We queued up and got some lunch and headed over to Jess's friends.

I was introduced and we all got chatting about films. The talk turned to Finding Nemo.

"Man! That film is EPIC!" I said grinning.

"Totally!" Added Jess.

Mike, one of Jess's friends, then did a totally awesome impression of the little octopus at Nemo's school. "AWWWW! You guys made me ink!" He whined sounding just like the film. It was then that the Cullens walked in. First came Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett looked like a huge bear, with less fur, and Rosalie looked like a model strutting her stuff on the catwalk. Then behind them came Jasper and Alice. Alice looked rather like a bubbly pixie while Jasper looked like he was either constipated or had stepped in something nasty.

"Duuuude. He looks in pain!" I commented once they had passed our table. They all burst out laughing and said things like "you're so funny" and "nice one Bella" making me blush.

I then looked up and saw Edward walk in. I melted inside and it took all of my strength to stop from dribbling on the table.

"Damn he is soooo hot!" I mumbled and I swear I saw him smile. "Bugger! I think he heard that!" I said while Jess nearly wet herself laughing. I glared at her and she shut up pretty soon after.

"I have to agree with you there Bella." She agreed "But nobody is good enough for him here apparently." She said with regret.

"Hey! Maybe Bella has a chance!" Mike said loudly. "I mean she is new!" he watched me going bright red and shooting glances towards Edward, before laughing and steering the subject away from me and my crush.

My lesson after lunch was Biology and most of Jess's mates were in our class, so we all walked together. I was one of the last in and I had to go speak to the teacher, so there was only one space left in the whole lab, and unsurprisingly due to my luck it was next to Mr Hot himself.

"Man you people must hate me!" I mumbled looking up in the direction of the sky. As I walked over I was mumbling under my breath.

"Bugger, Bugger, Buggeration, oh crap …" I stopped when I reached our table and looked at Edward. He was laughing under his breath.

"What are you 'oh crapping' about?" He asked with a smile.

"How the hell did you hear that? Have you got supersonic hearing or something?" I asked slightly scared.

"Something like that." He laughed. "I'm Edward. And I'm apparently 'soooo hot'." He said making me blush.

"You scare me." I stated and we got on with the lesson in silence for five minutes.

"So…" Edward started "How come you moved here?"

"You really wanna know?" I said. He nodded so I went on to explain the whole Phil situation and how I wanted to give him and my mom some space.

"So I guess you're stuck here for a while then." He replied and I nodded at him. "Good. Then we can get to know each other." He said as if we were gonna be best friends or something.

"Whatever." I replied.

The teacher then asked me to answer a question and I gave a long-winded, but correct answer.

Edward looked at me and whispered "Geek." at me.

"Its cuz I'm cool." I replied.

A little while later, the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson. Edward and I cleared up and headed out of the lesson towards gym. I went to walk in the doors and saw that Edward wasn't following. I turned to see where he was but he had disappeared.

"Ooh. A magical vanishing, supersonic hearing boy. What else don't I know?" I said to myself.

Gym was pretty uneventful. They didn't make me play as it was my first day so everyone escaped being hurt by me for one day. Once that was over I walked with Jess outside.

"See you tomorrow Bella." She said glancing over my shoulder.

"Yeah. Bye!" I said before turning to see what had caught her attention. Golden Boy was leaning against a pole looking gorgeous and looking at me, as if to say 'come talk to me' so I walked over.

"Hey!" I said, way too enthusiastically. "Where did you disappear to in gym? You abandoned me!"

"Sorry. I can't do gym." He replied being mysterious. We headed over to my truck.

"What are you hurt or something?" I asked concerned.

"No. It's kinda complicated." He said still being mysterious.

"So come to my house and you can explain." I said simply.

A smile played across his face. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to be alone with you." He said.

"Ooh-er! What are you gonna pounce on me or something?" I said grinning. "'Cos I don't mind if you do!"

"You're a bit forward aren't you?" He laughed, making me blush. "Sure I'll be there."

"Cool!" I almost shouted, nearly bouncing into my truck. "See you soon!" I grinned out of the window at him, but he had already gone. "Gone again! Grrrrr!" I mumbled as I started my truck. The grizzly was trying to escape from the engine again. LOL!

I drove quickly eager to see Edward again and found that he was already there when I arrived.

I jumped out of the truck like an excited five year old and bounded over to where Edward was leaning against his shiny, silver Volvo.

"Damn, he is fine!" I thought.

"Thanks" Edward smiled.

"Oops! Did I say that out loud?" I asked already turning red.

"Yeah. But it was really quiet." He said trying to make me feel better.

"Anyway… shall we go in? I'm getting all wet standing here and my hair doesn't like it!" I said already heading for the door. Once inside I headed for the kitchen and dumped my bag on the table.

"Do you want a drink or something to eat?" I asked, playing the hostess.

"No, I'm good thanks." Edward replied.

"Do you ever eat or drink?" I asked jokingly. "You might die if you don't have anything and you'll get all dehydrated and shrivel up like a prune!" I rambled.

"No actually I don't." He said his face deadly serious. "And I can't die either."

"Are you serious?" I asked. "Are you like that Captain Jack Sparrow dude?"

"From Pirates of the Caribbean?" He asked looking confused.

"No silly. The hot one from Torchwood who can't die!" I explained as if it was obvious.

"Oh. I think I know who you mean. That British programme about all the aliens and stuff? Does anyone actually watch that?"

"Duh! It's the best programme ever!" I replied and then looked at my feet. "Ok. I'm a dork. Get over it!" I exclaimed.

I wandered off towards the living room, and Edward followed.

"What were we talking about anyway?" I got lost rather easily when I went off on a tangent like I just did. "Oh yeah, 'you can't die', so what's that all about?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well me and my family, we're different." He started.

"Well duh!" I interrupted.

"Bella!" He almost yelled at me and I shut up pretty quickly. "Well, we're Vampires." He said.

I sat there in silence for a few seconds and then burst into laughter.

"LOL! That is EPIC!" I cried "So do you like wanna eat me?" I asked still giggling.

"Bella! It isn't funny! And in a way yes I do want to 'eat you'" he said seriously.

"Ooh-er!" I said and Edward gave me a look. "Sorry. I'm being serious now. So do you like drink human blood and stuff?" I asked, being rather nosy considering I had only met him like a few hours ago.

"Well my family are 'vegetarians'." He explained.

"What you drink the vegetable's blood?" I asked nearly laughing again.

"Bella!" He said seriously, and my face became a picture of innocence. "We only drink the blood of animals." He explained.

He then went on to explain how they couldn't go out in sunlight, and how their eyes change colour when they get thirsty. After he had finished talking I sat and absorbed it all for a few minutes.

"Ok. Thanks for telling me all of this, but I have to ask why? Why tell me? You don't know me at all. I could be a secret vampire hunter for all you know. Like Buffy." I smiled at this thought. I hated that programme.

"Well, as soon as I saw you I wanted to get to know you. You're just so different from the other girls at school. When I first saw you I thought you looked beautiful." He enlightened me. He gave me a crooked smile that melted my heart. "And plus you smell amazing!" He added, laughing.

"Er…thanks…I think. I've always thought my shampoo was pretty ordinary." I said thinking that he was slightly weird. When had he smelt me?

"It's not your shampoo Bella. It's your blood." He said in such a normal way that it gave me a weird sensation down my spine.

I edged away from him. "I've always thought that blood smells really weird. Like rusty salt or something." I told him. "So why haven't you pounced already? I mean if I smell so good, how can you resist?" I asked.

"I have amazing restraint, and the animal diet helps." He said. "And plus…" he paused and sighed. "I love you." He whispered avoiding eye contact.

"Wow. Thanks. I … err… I don't know what to say to that." I replied stuttering.

Edward looked at me in a hurt way. "I know that you probably think I'm a freak, but can you give me a chance? And I promise I wont eat you." He said giving me another of his crooked smiles.

"Dude! Have you even been paying attention to any of the things I do? I'm the one who's a freak. Of course I can give you a chance."

"Thank you Bella." Edward said grinning. He moved across to me and pulled me into a hug, which I returned warmly. A question then popped into my mind.

"So… Does this mean Unicorns exist?"

**A/N: I hope this made you laugh. Me and my friend came up with the idea after watching Finding Nemo and decided to write it as a one-shot.**

**Alex (Thats-So-Alex) helped me write it so if you liked it please go and read her other stories. They are also EPIC! :D and please feel free to read my ongoing story, Moving on too. :D**

**Please review as this is my first ever complete Fan-Fiction :D**


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